One of my readers who I greatly appreciate asked me to give more examples of agreements.
Here is one regarding disagreements…I know everyone has them.
We start the conversation with our hubby. Before we know it we are welling up inside and starting to get angry and defensive. What do we do?? At that realization we need to stop and calmly and lovingly say to our spouse, “Honey I’m feeling defensive right now. I really want to hear what you are saying and I really care about you.”
You can then give a specified time you can resume the conversation Remember this is not a time for punishment, anger, or rejection. Use uplifting words when conveying this to your spouse. It is not a time to brood or case build. It is a time to pray about and reflect on the situation.
Remember the goal is not to win. The goal is to bring glory to God with our actions and to resolve a problem. Remember that our spouse is not the enemy, even though sometimes it may seem like it.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
The enemy wants nothing more than to destroy our marriage.
We always want to be in the “sanctuary” not the” courtroom” when we communicate with our spouse.
“Come let us reason together says the Lord.” Isaiah 1:18
Here is our agreement as written out and the Scriptures to go with them:
When we are feeling defensive we will take a “time out”. It is not to brood or to case build. It is for restoration. We shall pray about the situation and reflect on the situation.
We will use kind language when needing to take a break. “Honey I’m feeling defensive right now. I really want to hear what you are saying and I really care about you.” We can come back together in (give a specified time). This is not used for punishment, anger or rejection. Use uplifting words.
Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones.
Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Please note that this article is written for marriages with a healthy relationship. I am not advocating staying in a physically abusive relationship or an emotionally destructive one. If you are in such a relationship my heart goes out to you. Seek Godly counsel.
May the Lord richly bless you as you strive to glorify Him in your marriage.
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